Intimacy is the bonding between two persons.
This 10 questions process helps you two dig deeper into your souls.
Let’s face it, every married couple communicates. Often, we communicate so well that no words have to be uttered and our spouse is inflamed or disheartened.
That does not have to be the case for you. You can take your loving marriage to a much deeper level through affectionate communication activities such as these questions. You will develop a healthy, vibrant and invigorating marriage the more you two know about each other.
Be proactive in crafting the best marriage possible for you two.
Be sure to jot these questions down and take turns reading and answering them with your sweetie!
A good time to invest in your marriage is on date nights where you leave the routine life behind and concentrate on your relationship bonding experiences.
Why not indulge yourselves in pleasurable experiences each week which will spice up your marriage?
Happy marriage enrichment!
Let’s get to the questions.
1 – How can I show you I have your back more often?
We want our spouse to endorse our achievements no matter how small or large. It is gratifying to know someone is always for us when the world is against us.
Another way to ask this question might be, “What can I do to show you I want to support your decisions?”
2 – Is there anything I can do this week that will make you feel more loved or appreciated?
Helping your mate feel secure and comfortable is a noble venture. Make the time to enhance their life quality.
3 – Is there any way I have hurt you? I did not intentionally do anything to cause you pain but I want to know if you felt I said or did something that did not show you how much I appreciate you..
As he or she thinks back a bit, they might remember a phrase or a remark where you criticized or offered an idea which might have stung a little. They might have not mentioned it, however, it is better to get it out into the open and work to not repeat that again.
Whenever we have discussed this idea in our marriage, there are times when we did not mean harm yet it was taken as a cutting remark. Asking a questions like this might open a sensitive wound, but it can also generate helpful feedback to intensify your conversations.
Be sure to receive any criticism lovingly and take the high road. You asked and they are answering what an build up your marriage.
4 – What do you think of when I say “Non-sexual touching?” How do you want me to express these expressions of love more often to you?
This is a curious phrase for men to understand. We think that whenever our wife intentionally touches us, she is indicating a sexual rendezvous. As a woman reading this last sentence, you are probably rolling your eyes or thinking “That’s all he thinks about!”.
Actually it is not “all” but sex does travel through your husband’s mind often every day. So to bridge this gender gap, why not talk about it!
Tender, open and loving dialogue will deepen your marriage communication immensely by this one topic. Men do not understand this phrase “Non-sexual touching because he is wired to be the dominant sexual aggressor.
Sex for a man is physical first and emotional second. Wives enjoy sexual activity as emotional bonding first and physical pleasure afterwards.
This opens a wonderful opportunity for you to discuss your sex life and your non-sex life since this topic will generate both sides of the conversation.
5 – At the end of our work day, what could I do or say to express to you how much I love you?
We have such diverse methods for dealing with daily life stresses. One spouse may need to talk a lot so they vent verbally and the other needs to retreat for a while in a setting away from everyone. Both are right. They are simply different methods to deal with life.
If you have never discussed what your expectations are concerning this clash of personalities, someone or both of you will get their feelings hurt. Perhaps many of your arguments happen at the end of the day because you each have such contrasting emotional requirements.
Discuss these occasions when you are not stressed and you can reach some middle ground. This is a common problem which we often help married couples cope.
Both of you list on a piece of paper what you individually need and how long you desire it to occur. Then discuss your differences and determine you will reach an agreement for the coming days. Adjust yourselves as is necessary. These are not “laws” they are marriage communication issues for a husband and wife to work on together.
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6 – What arguments or disagreements, in the past week were left unsettled?
Too often one partner will not want to engage the other in verbal combat and so an issue is “swept under the carpet” as the saying goes. The dirt – tense discussion – is left to spoil with one spouse while the other may feel it is handled because it was left alone.
The disparity of styles can create a huge wedge in the relationship as one partner feel no (deep) subject is open for discussion. They feel the relationship stagnates and they are left with a hollow feeling instead of intensifying their intimacy.
Work to solve your issues within a week as best as is possible.
7 – Is our sex life what you want it to be? If not, what specific changes would you like to see?
Your sex life is a sort of barometer of your marriage. It indicates how intimate you are with each other.
Healthy marriages enjoy sexual act ivies that achieve satisfaction for both partners. Typically the female spouse needs to reach orgasm first. Is that true for your marriage? Talk to each other in a kind fashion that opens the conversation so each feels they can share their heart and mind.
If you need a series of easy to use questions to stimulate your discussion, I would be happy to share one with you which has worked to help many other couples become more open in their sexual dialogue.
8 – What specific stress problems in your life can I help you handle them?
Here’s an open invitation to your spouse to share with you what is really troubling them. At the wedding altar, you pledged your life to each other. This is one way to help make each other’s life a bit more manageable.
This specific question may give you a “window into his/her mind” like never before. They may need to ponder the answer and get back to you or they may want to share their heart and not have you generate any solutions at all.
Whatever their response, honor it as they ask you to respond. Men and women process information and work out solutions in vastly different fashions.
9 - How do you need for me to listen to you so you know I understand your conversational needs at that moment.
This question hinges on the last one. I will repeat, Men and women process information and work out solutions in vastly different fashions.
This is to help you two learn each other's basic drive to speak, be heard and helped in a manner that touches your life.
Women typically want to be listened to without their husband cranking out the solutions to their frustrations. Husband: just sit, listen attentively and nod at the appropriate time. If you feel compelled to, ask your wife a clarifying question to understand her view point.
Wife: as your husband shares a problem with you, he is telling you he needs you to offer him genuine feedback to his situation. If you simply listen, nod or sigh and then leave the conversation, he feels you dislike him He will feel enormously dishonored.
Be sure you each read each other's "paragraph" above and discuss how these ideas fit your marriage. Yours is a distinctly different relationship to others. Yet in our experience, man and women most often react as mentioned.
10 - What topics would you like to discuss in a deeper manner, that you feel I will not honestly listen to you now or openly let you share your side of the subject?
Open dialogue is essential for a healthy marriage. Certainly two people can share a house for many years in non-effective conversation. Their marriage communication do's and don'ts may never go deeper than the weather, scores on a ball game or what the neighbors are doing in their yard.
Thriving and growing relationships need interactive protected discussions of diverse (topics). There is certainly nothing wrong with talking about the children, finances or in-laws, but these should not be surface agendas.
Use these questions to launch your marriage communication exercises to propel your relationship into a marvelous lifetime of joy.
I have shared just 10 questions as marriage communication keys for you to discuss.
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Always Look For The Best In Your Marriage!
-- Jerry Stumpf your Marriage Coach