3 Intimate, Enchanting Components to Gently Nurture Your Marriage Bond  

lovers-1259124__180 Developing a happy marriage is simple, but not easy.

Simple? Certainly, just focus your energies on meeting your spouse’s needs without expecting anything in return.

Simple? Yes, but not practical since we have emotions and our own needs to be met, right?

Marriage is the ultimate form of give-and-take in a working relationship where two people invest their life into and for, each other.

Many times  we have observed a couple holler and fight with each other in public and wonder why folks want to live that way. There is a peaceful alternative which allows each partner to thrive in the relationship.

Do you want the very best life has to offer to you as a couple?

Here is a workable 3 point blueprint to craft the very best intimate relationship possible.

Craft your relationship like a fine piece of art because that is what your marriage is, art, not science.

# 1 To develop a happy marriage, focus on the positive aspects of your spouse.

It might be easy, to think all is going downhill in your marriage if you two are having issues related to your communication skills . Do not be too hard on your selves.

Since you are reading this post and doing other research online, you are crafting a better marriage.

Start with a list of his or her best qualities.

What do you really like about them? I posted a list on our refrigerator of 25 qualities I see in Elaine. Anyone who comes into our kitchen can see what I think is terrific about my bride.

She made me a similar list and posted it next to my list.

We text each other at least weekly to share nice comments about each other.

For instance, she is quick to call me handsome or her hero, because I killed some spider or retrieved a bowl from a higher shelf for her.

If we wanted to , 42 years ago, it would have been easy to look for the problems in each other.

We did not know one another very long before we got married (only 6 months!) so our first few years of marriage were rocky while getting to know each other.

So instead of looking for the bad in each other, we choose to seek what was good. Man, am I ever glad we did.

Today, ours is a solid relationship based on mutual trust and cooperation. Do we disagree? OF COURSE!

But it is easier to work through difficulties with someone who is seeking my best interest and she feels the same way.


# 2 –  Find a few methods to accentuate your spouse’s best qualities.

Sit down and write out 6 – 7 of their best qualities you really like about them.

To help with this process, think of what you liked about them before you were married.

When you two were dating, what captivated you with them?

Was it their sense of humor?

Did they have a cute way to say or ask something?

Was it their wink?  You see, my wife has a cute wink that scrunches the side of her face, instead of just wrinkling her eye area. She is adorable!  – – – sorry – got carried away thinking about my bride!

Do they pronounce words in a specific accent?

So what is it that makes them … well. .. – THEM ? ?

Speaking of qualities, are they good with a special age group – kids, seniors, teens, or another group?

Do they teach or speak well? Do they have a great singing voice or play an instrument?

You see where I am going, right? What makes them so darn lovable?

Write out as many different ideas that come to mind for you.

# 3 – Schedule a weekend away for just the two of you to focus on your marriage.

Now don’t panic, there are fairly inexpensive alternatives for you two to escape if funds are low.

Often a Bed and Breakfast or even a campground with cabins, or house sit for someone.

Even some hotels are not that pricey if you use those hotel discount books.

Be creative and schedule the time to really focus on crafting your relationship into the best it can  possibly become.

The main point here is to separate yourselves from the world for a two or three day “honeymoon again”.

This time, use some creativity to make it a wonderful experience for you to talk, pray, have leisure sex, or hot sex, give each other massages, or feed each other dinner, but enjoy each other and be sure to spend time talking about your particular marriage.

So with your marriage in mind, consider these open ended questions:

a – What dreams do we have for the next 3, 5 & 10 years together?

b – Where would we like to go on vacation in the next 12 months?

c – If we were to work on a specific part of our relationship over the next 6 months, what part would we need to work on?

d – After we have achieved that first 6 months goal, what would we work on next to make our marriage better?

e – Is our sex life where we want it to be? How would you like for it to be different? For me I would like for us to ….. (you initiate this list so make it personal)

f – Is there some specific goal that we should be reaching for in our marriage over this next year?

g – Where would you like to go next year for our marriage sabbatical? A thought I had was …

h – Is there something special you would like us to do together with that time? For me I would like to …

If you want or need some extra questions, send us an email at crackingthemarriagecode@jerrystumpf.com and ask us about a topic or a few topics to generate some questions for you.


Print out this post and discuss it with your spouse. Ask him/her to let you know how they feel about each part of this discussion.

Tell me what you think in the comments section!

Always Expect The Best From Your Marriage – as The Best Is Yet To Be!!! 

Your friends — Jerry & Elaine Stumpf 

Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach and marriage mentor. Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, & interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many "tools" which captivate each other in deeper conversations. Jerry has been married forty three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

Posted in Marriage, Romance
  • Oh my goodness, number one is sooooo true! I wish more couples would understand that for real. Great post here Jerry. 🙂

  • Keelie, Thank you for your comments. Your voice means a lot as you help couples craft better marriages.

  • MarriednNaked

    Great tips. My husband and I make it a priority to take a weekend away as often as we can. Does wonders for our marriage.

    • Thank you for your comment.

      Yes, this is such a simple idea but how many couples actually carve out a weekend each year to focus on each other and their marriage.

      A course / workbook I am creating is a Q&A for a couple similar to some of your date night thoughts. Sometimes it helps to have a third party ask probing questions where we can just be husband and wife sharing our hearts with each other.