In a second marriage, a couple lugs a ton of past negative experiences with them, especially when both partners have endured a divorce.
These emotional memories become awful threats if not gently unpacked and individually discarded. It has been our experience that until a couple can reveal their past wounds to their new partner in a safe, secure and healthy environment, their marriage
remains stifled. The first step in sound relationship advice, is to become tenderly transparent to your new spouse.. Imagine how it will feel to share your heart as when you were dating.
Remember those special moments when you hid some bad habit or behavior, fearing that if he found out, he would bolt out the door, never to return?
As you became more at ease together, you shared bits and pieces of your past life guardedly with each other. And then he married you anyway! Hooray! Seriously, you loved him and accepted him in spite of his prior mistakes.
You got married, settled into a comfortable routine and life whizzes past you at a frightening pace. One unpleasant day you realize that there are still parts of his life and your life, that remains a mystery to each other, but fear grips you and you hesitate.
This hesitation builds a callous on your heart and intimacy is stifled as you procrastinate even more. It becomes apparent that change is needed, but how do you start?
How do you keep your marriage interesting and enhance your lovely relationship?
A happy marriage flourishes through honest and effective communication.
Apply these 3 quick steps which will enrich your marriage pleasure, plus invigorate a steamy relationship
1 – Open the lines of effective, free flowing conversation with your husband
How open are you about your past issues you brought into your new marriage? Someone has to go first so it can be you, right?
Make a list of sensitive topics you would like to discuss with your husband. Most likely he has an idea for many of them on the list.
However, we tend to bury some embarrassing thoughts deep inside when we feel we will be hurt again. So open up a bit more to this person you pledged you life to for the rest of your existence.
This is not to become a gossip fest against your ex, but simply to share your heart with this new man for the rest of your life together. He wants you to be as vulnerable as you can. So to make your cherished bond the best possible, you control the subject matter and the timetable. mention that you want to be transparent for the sake of the marriage.
A word of caution, don’t expect or push your husband to lay all his cards on the table right away.
After all, hasn’t it taken you some introspection and courage to share your past painful situations?
He may know many of the “big” problems you had before which you shared with him previously. Yet there may be a few hidden topics that are not free flowing from you. You may even go back farther in your past to your childhood and share some pains with him.
Let him know that you want to be emotionally naked, even as you have been with him physically. He will catch the similarity.
2 – Make it easy for him to share HIS PAST with you.
You could even say something like, “Honey, I really want our marriage to be the absolute best it can be. If there are habits or past experiences you want to share with me, I would be open to hearing about them.”
He may have embarrassing concerns or habits he has never shared with anyone else before. You want him to trust you so much, that he is comfortable letting you into his heart.
There is only one person on this earth who knows more about my past mistakes than anyone else, my wife. Over the years, we have spent intimate times sharing about our own childhood mistakes. She knows the bad things I did growing up, which I would be embarrassed for anyone else to know.
Additionally, I know parts of her life where she allowed me private access, which no one else knows. Letting each other into our inner thoughts and past life, further endorses our love for one another. What it did for our marriage was tie our commitment knot tighter.
Unfortunately, as long as you keep secrets from each other, there will be a wall of secrecy in your marriage.
We did not spend the first two years non-stop telling each other about our scars or mistakes. It took many years of private discussion, but it has to start somewhere. Sharing our hearts has been a gradual unfolding to build mutual trust in our marriage.
What I am suggesting, is open up your secure, free flowing conversation, so you can both comfortably be secure enough to thrive in your close connections.
3 – Keep your connection with each other, stimulating and vibrant.
What does your husband need from you that will make him feel like the king he desperately wants to be? Inside his heart, he wants to conquer something or at least succeed at his dreams.
There are some aspects that only you can contribute to his mental well-being. Not to say that you control his happiness, but you can certainly contribute to his self-image. Since there are various areas that only you can enhance, why not elevate his self-esteem?
Here are 6 questions to ask him, to weave yourself deeper into his heart:
1) Ask him, “Honey, tell me five actions I can do for you over the next two weeks, which will show you how proud I am of you?”
2) Then later ask, “Hey babe, if I could tell several people how proud of you that I am, who would you want me to tell?” (Follow up and tell each person he names, one reason you are proud of your husband. Believe me, it will get back to him!)
3) Still later ask, “What is one mind-blowing thing you would like to do in the next five years?”
4) IF you two have never talked about it, ask him to describe in great detail what his ultimate vacation would be. If you have talked about “ultimate”, then ask him what is weighing on his mind these days to get away and enjoy yourselves as a couple.
5) And then to dig a bit more: “if we got away for a weekend to make our marriage the very best it can become, where would you like to go?
6) Is there something you always wanted to do, but were held back from attempting?
These could be scatted over a few months.
You can ask as though you are just letting your mind wander a bit and want to hear him share his thoughts and dreams with you.
These 6 questions will give you insight into his mind and heart. Be ready for him to ask you similar questions in return.
Sharing your hopes and dreams erects deeper layers of love on your marriage, which binds your lives together.
I would like to give you a FREE gift to further strengthen your marriage.
This special present for you, contains additional ideas to stimulate your intimacy and draw your relationship even closer?
It is a 10 week exercise to enhance your intimacy.
Please answer a short survey to give me some insights as to where you would like to improve your tender alliance.
Click here as it will take only a few minutes.
Kindly leave your email address and I will send you the course on becoming the Queen of His dreams.
Thank you for helping to support your marriage in this fashion.
Always Expect The Best For Your Marriage
as The Best Is Yet To Be!!!
Jerry & Elaine Stumpf
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Astonishing Comfy Steps for Becoming The Queen of His Dreams
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