4 Secrets to Courting Your Wife

couple-laughing40Think back through your dating days. How did you prepare yourself for your dates?  Did you spend time on cleaning up or making sure your were at your best before your got together with your “date”? You did your best to impress her. When you got married, you should not stop trying to be your best for her.

Here are four, quick hitting ideas to energize your dates with your wife.

1 – Do it for her, not for you. Take a Bath and wear what she likes.

If she likes you all decked out and you just want to wear old jeans, think about her preferences first. Bend a little for her.

I used to think a certain cologne was what my wife liked to smell so I used it for any time we were together for special occasions. Turns out when she was shopping with someone else, the other person liked the scent and my wife thought it was “OK” so she bought it because I had run out. She bought it so I thought she liked it. On me it does not smell the way she wanted it to smell. We tossed the bottle!

I don’t care what I smell like if she likes me that way. Turns out she likes the clean fresh showered smell and no “smelly stuff”. I try to take my shower just before we go out for our date night. She appreciates the specific effort.

How about you? Do you wear sloppy or un-laundered clothes? Women have a heightened sense of smell so she might be repulsed by your odors if you haven’t taken a shower in a couple of days. Have you asked her to let you know when you need a shower if it is not your habit to take one daily?

What I am encouraging is that you take the initiative to get yourself in “dating” hygiene and dress.  Has your wife “hinted” about a certain shirt or pants that you need to discard? Why do you keep them? If it makes her happy, toss them. If they have some great old world charm or memory, store them after they are washed. I get that you want to have keepsakes. We all like to link back to our childhood, college or military service memories. But let’s get real, If it creates a problem in your marriage, is a piece of cloth actually worth it?

2 – Court her again. Are you in dating form?

As to the “dating practices” what other activities did you do to get ready for your special times with her?

Some guys go all out and take flowers or small gifts, yes even to their wife.

Some guys will find out what her favorite movie or particular band is so they can get tickets in advance.

When you were first getting to know each other, what was your way to let your (then) girlfriend, know that you thought she was very special to you?

Do you repeat those actions which demonstrated to her how special she is to you?

3 – Show her you like being with her


Some guys act like dating their wife is somehow “off limits”. Here are some date ideas which range from the free category up to costing a bit. Of course if you want an entire week-end away, that will cost a bit more money. I highly recommend getting away every year – SCHEDULED AWAY FROM YOUR ANNIVERSARY DATE – to invest a weekend in your marriage.

Other blog posts are dedicated to this weekend get-a-way.

For now look through this listing of  dates and customize a few to fit your marriage. Always keep your wife’s particular likes and dislikes in mind when planning any date.

  • Visit a local Museum – What interests your wife? – History, pottery, crafts, antique anything, ???
  • Is there a national or state park she has always thought would be fun to visit? You might find there are some places you did not even know existed. Upon searching online I found thirteen places within a two hour drive I did know existed. Not all of these will make special dates for my wife, but I now have a much wider range to pick from then I first thought existed.
  • What type of special classes or courses are offered in your town? With your wife in mind, think about: a cooking class; a dance class; a pottery class; or some class that perfectly fits her interests. A bit of homework will pay big dividends here as she will be happy you took the time to connect her special desire with the activities going on around your town that she has not thought about going.
  • Does your bride mention a certain place that you have visited often, but that she really enjoys going to just “get away from it all”? Around us are a few really nice state parks with a nice lake and my wife enjoys stopping on the way there to get a sandwich and something to drink and have a quiet picnic to just relax and be together.
  •  Perhaps somewhere near you there are special seasonal events happening. Planning is the key here. You can investigate online by searching your county or the specific part of the state where you live to find out what fairs, shows, or special festivals happen nearby.
  • Take the afternoon off and have a mini-vacation for the two of you. Planning is key. If she also works, arrange with her boss to get the time off and go pick her up from work. Have it all arranged to go someplace special that you haven’t been to before.
  •  Perhaps there is someplace you went when you two were dating but haven’t been back in a long time. Recreate that time as best you can for her.  She will appreciate this date on many fronts. You remembered this particular occasion. You planned it out just for her.

4 – Dig a bit deeper into her interests no matter how much you believe you know each other.

To get some added specific ideas for dates and to learn a bit more about your wife apply these suggestions to the dates above:

  •  When you are together in the car, ask some general questions about her childhood. This will accomplish two or more purposes.

     You will show you are interested in her and you might find out something new about this wonderful woman with whom you are married.

  •  As her where would she like to visit “someday”?  (By the way, the “someday” question is great in many areas to see what your wife has hidden away in her mind.) Is there some exotic vacation she dreamed about taking someday?
  • If you are not sure precisely how to surprise her with someplace different, become a secret agent, regarding your wife. Look through her scrapbooks if you are not sure what interests her. What does she save from her past?

Become a great student of your wife especially as it pertains to her private interests.

See what seems to strike you as a special theme with her. Notice what types of books she reads. Are they historical              fictions? What is her favorite time period:  western USA, Renaissance, modern day, future?

Are they the latest hot trend? Or are they just a specific authors romance novels?  You do not want to schedule  some     historical  war museum if she detests violence or has some disdain for that era in our history.


Hopefully, this is a beginning list for you to make some specific plans so the two of you can escape together.

If you need some additional ideas concerning “Married Dating” – shoot me an email at CrackingTheMarriageCode@JerryStumpf.com  to get more ides to enhance your marriage.

 The key ingredient in these ideas is your wife. In any plans you make, keep her interests at the forefront of your ideas.

             Enjoy your life together!  Build terrific memories.

 As you keep the romance alive, remember “The Best Is Yet To Be!!!  — Jerry

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Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach and marriage mentor. Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, & interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many "tools" which captivate each other in deeper conversations. Jerry has been married forty three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

Posted in Dating