4 simple mistakes husbands make in everyday life

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Let’s be open here. Most husband’s are considerate of their wife and they care about her feelings. They do not intentionally trash her heart. What generally happens is that a man’s mind is somewhere else when they are speaking / listening to her. Ladies, he isn’t doing it to ignore you, he is just built that way. What I am proposing is for husbands to rise up and be different!

 Let me quickly mention four issues guys have and a way to ease out of those problems and draw closer to the wife.

1 – Husbands forget their wife’s needs and desires.

You asked your wife to schedule a certain night for the two of you to go out on a date.

That’s wonderful! Now complete the romance with her heart in mind. Make sure the extra segments of your night are covered. For instance, if you have kids, you make the child care arrangements instead of asking your wife to do that. Pick the restaurant instead of going thorough that verbal “ping-pong” of “What do you want to eat tonight?

I don’t know what do you want?”  End the agony! Just choose one you both like and you have not been to in a while.

 2 – Some husbands forget that their wife is not like their male friend.

Too often we husbands have been guilty of listening to our wife like we do our male friends. When our friend shares a problem, we get that mental list all ready. When he pauses, we tell him how he can solve his problems. He nods his head and we have helped him out. They don’t understand their bride so they attempt to figure it out on their own or

treat her like they would a guy.

Your wife wants you to watch her eyes, hear her words and acknowledge that you heard what they said. No fixes.

No lists of “here’s how you solve that!” I can tell you from painful experience that a wife wants you to listen in a different fashion that your “buddies” do. In chapters four and five of “Cracking The Marriage Code” I share some specific ways to listen to your wife how she wants to be listened to.

 3 – They assume they know her.

When you two were dating, how much time did you actually take to just hear the sound of her voice? Or how much effort did you expend soaking in her mannerisms? Of course you did. When you were dating, you watched her walk towards you or when she left your presence. And when she spoke, you tuned everything out and just enjoyed the sound of her voice, right? Well so what changed? I get it, marriage! But if you are not careful you will fall into the trap of taking her for granted and that is real trouble!

So why not make the effort to really get to know her? What are her struggles and internal turmoil’s? Yes, I know, emotions! When did you last just sit and talk with her? Ask her a few easy, opened questions and enjoy her voice all over again. Watch how she forms some words with those precious lips. Fall in love with her again. If you need some extra fuel, ask her to tell you about the book she is reading, what she likes about the characters. You might just determine a few of her dreams and fantasies.

 4 – Men sometimes forget that their wife is a safe haven.

Often in our coaching sessions, the wife will complain that her husband is closed off and will not let her in. Hey she wants to know what troubling you. It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable to one woman. If you pay close attention, you might just find it makes her all tingly inside to have you open up and share some of your struggles with her. Remember that women crave close relationships. She can’t get any closer that knowing some of your weak points. Marriage is the special relationship for life where two people commit themselves to each other. Show her how much you love her by being open with her. It pays many benefits.

 

Are there a few mistakes you have done and thought to yourself, “Now why did I do that?”

If you would be so kind, share some of those with me. No one else will find out it was you!

I have written some of these posts from emails others have shared and you did not know who they were, right?

 

So put jerry@jerrystumpf.com in your address block and send me your struggles.

We both know that some other fellow is wrestling with a similar problem.

 Thank you !

 

Always Expect The Best For Your Marriage as

                           The Best Is Yet To Be!!!

                                                   — Jerry Stumpf

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Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach and marriage mentor. Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, & interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many "tools" which captivate each other in deeper conversations. Jerry has been married forty three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

Posted in Communication
  • Those are some great thoughts about things husbands can do to really be a blessing to their wives. I would say that women do want their husbands to be open and honest with them. If they aren’t open and honest, it makes the wife feel the husband is hiding things. It is never a good idea to hide things in a marriage.

    • Keelie, Thanks for your input.
      Being open and honest is the number 1 emotional need according the Dr. Harley in “His Needs , Her Needs”. In our coaching and seminars we have found this to be a trigger discussion.
      Since men and women can open to each other in a marriage, husbands need to become more vulnerable, emotionally.