Are past memories, haunting your marriage?

bellman-luggage-cart-104031_1280Elaine (my wife) & I were talking through some of our recent married couples coaching sessions  and we notice a specific subject which surfaces often for folks.

They wrestle over their “past” (my term for them is baggage), that they drag like a ball & chain into this new relationship.

It surfaces at the worst times and it is difficult to openly talk about with their new husband because she desperately wants

to move beyond the haunting memories, but they pop up at inopportune times in intimate discussions or through interaction with previous acquaintances.

d4ca7aba9db23f8e31a50a3c_1920Instead of problems being solved together, these memories become a depressing weight upon the relationship.

Without proper guidance, it begins  to drive an unwanted wedge in the communication or a full fledged wall of contention.


These couples, too often feel that letting it “drop”, will sweep it back into the past.

The trouble is, this tactic festers, as if it were a dirty splinter which becomes an infected problem, that needs drastic surgery in a short time.

So how do we rid our self of this nasty baggage?

The only method we have found to eliminate the problem, is to lovingly bring it to light and remove the problem through mutual guided dialogue.

This couple has pledged their life to each other and they each bring issues to the marriage which need to be dealt with,

however, some are more damaging than other situations.


Therefore,  a series of reflective Q & A assists each partner in recovery.  holding-hands-1149411__180

If we place a healthy path for recovery, laced with some positive reinforcement, we have success to pull the “splinter” and place emotional salve on the wounds.

We end each segment with self-esteem building steps to compliment the thought provoking course work by the couple.



Too many couples face the future, scarred by their past.

The issues we each hold in our heart and our mind, will eventually surface.

Deciding to strategically negotiate problems means you will be in control of: when; where; and how; these “splinters” are removed or at least dealt with.

We have a lot of experience assisting couples uncover troublesome difficulties.

Call on us if you would like help dealing with past traumas.

(814) 569 – 8665 

Jerry & Elaine Stumpf – your friendly marriage coaches.

The Best Is Yet To Be!!!! 

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Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach and marriage mentor. Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, & interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many "tools" which captivate each other in deeper conversations. Jerry has been married forty three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

Posted in Communication