4 Methods To Show Husband’s The Respect We Need From Our Wife, Instead of Love?

If a woman reads that title, she is most likely angered or at least confused. Many wives think she is showing respect through her love. Maybe some fellows feel that way but I don’t and it seems many other husbands also do not feel respected by being shown love.

Respect is what I crave. If you feel the same way, this post is for you!

In many of my posts, I challenge husbands to become the best they can for their wife. Yet love and respect are very different. This post is directed at the wife concerning her husband.

According to the Bible and most articles I see out there about a husband’s inner drive, a man’s number one need and want is respect. However, I often see so many posts written which say the word “respect” and substitute it with love? I certainly understand that love might promote your respect but stop and think about that for a moment. The very concept of love promoting respect shows that they are separate entities.

Love and Respect are not the same and do not start or finish in the same fashion. I also need to set the record straight that showing love and not pouring out respect equals “disrespect” to many men.

We fellows need to hear words of appreciation, esteem, praise, and admiration from our wife to know that she is grateful that we are married. Being “loved” is not what strikes our core. A quick reference is Ephesians 5:33. It is not that we hate the word “love”, it is just that we don’t get all wound up and excited by love like we do being the person you value having in your life every day.

  • Husbands, are you happy with the level of respect you receive from your wife?
  • Does she know that you feel this way, either positively or negatively? Be sure you verbalize your feelings to her either good or deficient.
  • Have you actually expressed to her that love from her does not equal respect to you?Most likely she believes that lots of love equals respect to you.

Most wives do not intuitively realize that they are not giving their husband respect since they believe that their love is enough. Ladies, you are wired to express love through every pore on your body. Men are all clogged in this manner. These may be God fearing, Bible teaching Christians, yet they fail to see the void in their relationship with their husband if they offer love and not what he actually needs. “Love may cover a multitude of sins” but it will not replace the lack of respect in a husband’s core. Look over this list and if these strike you firmly, share them with your wife to help her understand you better: What the husband needs from his wife to be affirmed is that you appreciate and fully respect him:

1 – If your husband goes to work in a chosen field every day, his wife needs to verbally and in writing express to him that she values his work ethic.

He would enjoy a note from you that states in your own words how proud you are of him. Are you glad he chose that particular field above another? Then tell him! Does he work through issues because of you and the kids? Let him know how much you are glad about his endurance!

Perhaps he has some dream of becoming a better supplier for the home through schooling or some other type of advancement? Are you his greatest cheerleader or have you thrown cold water on his dreams?

You are in this together so nurture his future endeavors. Be vocal in your approval of your husband.

2 – What are the best attributes you see in your husband?

Have you told him and every other person you know how glad you are that he possesses those capabilities?

Does he know you feel that way about him because you constantly brag about him to others?

Look for his best assets and tell his family how proud you are of him. They might even laugh a bit but watch how captivated your husband is that you are willing to speak about him this way. Do you seek his advice on several issues you are having troubles with? Have you told him how much you like his ability to ….?

3 – Do you show him you like him? I did not ask “Do you love him”. He knows that.

In precise terms, how do you show him you like him? Men typically enjoy shoulder to shoulder activities with their wife.

Do you schedule time when you two can go do something he really enjoys athletically?

Or if  he likes a particular sport and every time he or his friends talk about that sport you moan or roll your eyes in disdain? What message is that sending about his unique passions? Have you asked to go to a game or tournament with him?

Do you encourage him if he wants to join some friends to go hunting, fishing or to a specific type of game?

If you grumble every time he mentions a certain passion he has, what are you telling him about his interests? That is disrespectful to him.

4 – How do you act about your sexual activity with your husband?

Do you look at sex as a duty or some way to just appease your man? Is it a chore or do you seek to learn new ways to enjoy your intimacy in a deeper fashion and how to experience sexual enjoyment more often? How often do you initiate? If you never initiate, what message do you believe you are sending to him?

If you join in the negative discussion among your female friends about the subject of sex, do you realize that your husband takes it personally?

Instead appreciate the way that God has designed him to want to please you. Ask him which he enjoys most his sexual fulfillment or yours? When he says “Yours!” please know that he is telling you the absolute truth.

Many surveys from various sources relate that men get a greater amount of satisfaction from seeing their wife climax than from their own.

This is not to say he does not want to reach his fulfillment sexually. It is to emphasize that he wants your pleasure to be first on his priority list. Go ahead, ask him! How do you fully honor your husband sexually?

Does he mention how sexy you look and you down play his words? How would you react if he ridiculed your cooking? Too often husbands and wives do not think through their actions and words they use with their spouse.

They believe that if they heap enough affirmations that please their own needs, that same compliment should be sufficient for their spouse. However, men and women were not created with the same emotional needs.

And how quick we are to laugh at opposite gender humor, which points out the extreme differences for each sex. For some reason this understanding of gender difference in humor does not translate to our homes.

This has been my attempt to scream out through this blog post that men need more than tons of love, they need to be respected in a manner that their inner core hears the message.

If you truly love your husband, seek ways to reward the differences from how you were made and touch his inner being how he needs your attention.

Your husband needs lots of authentic respect just as you need lots of heart felt love.

Be willing to ask forgiveness and make it a great new experience for you both to enjoy. Ask him today what fours ways your would like for you to show him respect this week. And then do your best to accomplish those requests.


The future can be great as The Best Is Yet To Be!!! – Jerry


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Jerry is a marriage relationship expert, public speaker, author of several books, blogger, certified marriage coach and marriage mentor. Jerry & Elaine host educational, actionable, & interactive marriage seminars which equip attendees with many "tools" which captivate each other in deeper conversations. Jerry has been married forty three years to the same beautiful woman. They have three children and seven grandchildren. Their greatest passion is assisting married couples to unlock each other's heart through open transparent communication, with their gentle interactive guidance.

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